Christian Dating Red Flags No One Talks About (But Should)

Christian dating is supposed to be this magical blend of prayer, purity, and purpose... right? But let’s be real. Sometimes it’s a chaotic mix of awkward coffee dates, weird text devotionals, and people who “love Jesus” but also ghost you for a month straight.

While the internet is filled with the usual red flags (anger issues, manipulation, lack of accountability), there’s a whole spiritual category of 🚩 red flags that no one seems to talk about. Until now.

So let’s go there. Let’s talk about the stuff that makes you pause mid-worship and think, “Wait… is this holy or just hot-and-cold confusion in a Bible verse wrapper?”

1. They Use “God Told Me” as a Trump Card

“God told me you’re my wife.”
Sir… we just met ten minutes ago.

This is spiritual manipulation in a holy disguise. If they’re constantly pulling the “God said” card to guilt, pressure, or fast-forward your emotions, that’s not discernment, it’s domination. Yes, God speaks, but He’s not in the business of overriding your free will with someone else's fantasy.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: They might be using spiritual language to shortcut healthy relationship building. Slow. It. Down.

2. They’re Super Deep… but Zero Accountability

They can recite Scripture, drop truth bombs, and quote Tim Keller backwards. But when it comes to apologizing, taking correction, or being known by actual people in their life? Crickets.

If they ghost church community but want to start a “house church” with just you and their vibes… run.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Wisdom without accountability turns into arrogance dressed up as anointing.

3. They Confuse Emotional Intensity for Spiritual Confirmation

You’re weeping after one worship night together. They’re saying things like, “I’ve never felt the Holy Spirit like this with anyone else.” Suddenly, you’re planning a Pinterest board for your wedding in the Spirit.

Pause.
God’s presence is real, but so are hormones. Not everything emotionally intense is divinely orchestrated. Learn the difference.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Emotions are valid, but they’re not the voice of God. Don’t let spiritual chemistry confuse you into covenant too soon.

4. They Talk About Purity... But Push Boundaries Constantly

They’ll say, “Let’s honour God with our bodies,” then casually suggest “just cuddling” in bed at 11:45pm.

Look, purity isn’t just about not having sex. It’s about intention, holiness, and self-control. If someone’s words don’t match their actions, believe their actions.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Holiness isn’t sexy talk. It’s a lifestyle.

5. They Idolize Marriage More Than They Seek God

Marriage is beautiful. It’s Biblical. But it’s not salvation. If the person you're dating is obsessed with getting married but not with being sanctified, something’s off.

A lot of Christians want a godly marriage but don’t want to go through godly transformation. Oops.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: If they’re worshipping the idea of marriage more than the God of marriage, pump the brakes.

6. They’re Always “Waiting on God” to Make a Decision... Forever

At some point, “I’m still praying about it” becomes a convenient excuse for fear, indecisiveness, or emotional unavailability. You don’t need to be dragged along a 3-year silent wilderness trek with someone who’s scared to commit.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Clarity is kind. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). If you’ve been “waiting on confirmation” longer than Noah built the ark, something’s not right.

7. They’re Not Willing to Be Known by Your Community

Godly relationships thrive in the light, not in secrecy. If they avoid your friends, your pastor, or your Christian mentors, it’s a red flag the size of Goliath.

Love doesn’t hide. If they’re dodging spiritual accountability now, marriage won’t fix it. It'll just magnify it.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: If it has to stay secret, it’s probably not sacred.

8. They Have a “Savior Complex” Instead of a Servant Heart

If they're always trying to fix you, heal you, or teach you how to pray better, that’s not leadership, it’s superiority. A healthy partner doesn’t act like your spiritual life coach. They walk with you, not above you.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: They’re not Jesus. They shouldn’t try to be.

9. They Pray About Everything… Except Their Own Issues

They’ll pray over your job interview, your sleep, your cat’s diarrhea, but never bring their own struggles into the light. That’s not humility. That’s hiding.

Vulnerability is part of spiritual maturity. If they’re never honest about their flaws, but always hyper-aware of yours, that’s spiritual immaturity in disguise.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Prayer is powerful, but so is confession.

10. They Weaponize Theology in Arguments

Ever been in a fight and suddenly it turns into a 3-point sermon on why you’re in rebellion?
Yikes.

If someone uses Scripture to guilt, control, or silence you instead of humbly loving and guiding, danger ahead. God’s Word is a sword, not a weapon for emotional warfare.

🚩 Red Flag Translation: Love corrects gently, not self-righteously.

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Final Thoughts:

Dating as a Christian isn’t just about looking for “another believer.” It’s about spiritual maturity, emotional health, and Christlike character. You’re not looking for perfection, but you are looking for fruit.

God doesn’t call you to settle just because someone says they love Jesus. You’re called to walk wisely, love purely, and date with discernment. Because the right person won’t just draw you closer to them, they’ll draw you closer to God.

FAQ:

Q: What does the Bible say about kissing and cuddling?

A: The Bible doesn’t explicitly mention kissing or cuddling in dating relationships, but it does clearly instruct believers to pursue purity (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) and flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). While physical affection like kissing and cuddling isn't inherently sinful, it can easily stir desires that were designed for marriage. That’s why many Christians choose to set personal boundaries that protect both their hearts and their holiness.

In practice, this means prayerfully considering what draws you closer to Christ versus what slowly dulls your spiritual discernment. Kissing may seem innocent, but when it becomes a gateway to lust or temptation, it stops being “just affection.” Cuddling in private, late at night, with no accountability? That’s a setup, not a sweet moment. The goal isn’t legalism—it’s love that honours God with our bodies, minds, and choices (Romans 12:1).

Q: What does a red flag mean spiritually?

A: A spiritual red flag is a warning sign that something (whether in a relationship, teaching, or situation) doesn't align with God's truth, character, or peace. It’s a nudge from the Holy Spirit that says, “Pay attention. Something here isn’t right.” These warnings may come as a lack of peace, recurring confusion, or Scripture being twisted to justify harmful behavior.

Spiritually, red flags often signal areas where discernment is needed. Just because something looks good or feels intense doesn’t mean it’s from God (2 Corinthians 11:14). That’s why we’re told to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and examine the fruit, not just the presentation (Matthew 7:16). Red flags aren't signs to panic, but they are invitations to pause, pray, and pursue wisdom.

Q: Does God tell you who your soulmate is?

A: The Bible doesn’t mention soulmates the way modern culture defines them, and it doesn’t promise that God will audibly tell you who to marry. Instead, Scripture emphasizes wisdom, character, and seeking God’s will through prayer, discernment, and community (Proverbs 3:5-6). While God may give peace, clarity, or confirmation about a relationship, He rarely overrides our free will with a dramatic announcement.

In most cases, God guides us through a combination of wise counsel, aligned values, and mutual love; not through lightning bolts or angelic declarations. Rather than chasing a “perfect match,” Scripture encourages believers to focus on becoming someone who can love sacrificially and live out the covenant of marriage faithfully (Ephesians 5:25-33). The right person isn’t always revealed through a sign, it’s often confirmed through peace, process, and godly fruit.

Relevant Reads:

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Your Turn:

Have you ever dated someone who seemed “perfect on paper” but raised subtle red flags?
Or did this post make you realize you’ve said “God told me you're my husband” a little too soon? 😂

Drop your most honest (or hilarious) red flag moments in the comments 👇
You might just help someone else dodge a spiritual bullet.

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