Is He The One? A Christian Girl’s Guide to Not Settling (or Going Insane)

There comes a time in every Christian girl's life when you’re 73% sure he’s the one... but also 92% sure you’re just lonely and sleep-deprived. You prayed. You fasted (sort of). He goes to church, knows a few Bible verses, and didn’t flinch when you said “boundaries.” But is that enough?

Let’s be honest: trying to figure out if someone is the one is like trying to hear God’s voice through a Spotify ad. Confusing. Distracting. Possibly manipulated by algorithms.

Welcome to your guide (equal parts Biblical and brutally honest) on how to know if your potential other half is actually sent by God… or if you’re just being bamboozled by charm and emotional FOMO.

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1. Do You Like Him, or Just Like Liking Someone?

Look. Infatuation is not a fruit of the Spirit.

Before diving into “signs from heaven,” ask yourself:
Do I even like this person as a human being?
Or do I just like being liked?

Ask yourself:

Would I still enjoy talking to him if I were sick and bloated with food poisoning?
Would I still be interested if he weren’t tall/handsome/wearing a flannel?
Can I imagine arguing with him and still wanting to make up, not run away?

If the answer is no, you’re into the idea of love, not him.

⚠️ Reminder: Delusion in godly packaging is still delusion.

2. Is He Spiritually Stable, or Just Spiritually Hot?

There’s a difference between a guy who reads Proverbs occasionally and a man who actually applies it.

He may post Scripture on his IG stories, but does he live it out?

Look out for these green flags:

He prays regularly without making a big show of it.
He’s planted in a local church and serves consistently.
He takes correction seriously and repents when needed.
He doesn’t twist Scripture to justify his behavior.

Watch out for these red flags:

He only prays when things go wrong.
He treats church like a casual option, not a commitment.
He thinks spiritual accountability is “legalistic.”
He knows Bible verses but uses them to dodge responsibility.

A guy who’s hot and holy is rare. But holiness ages better than abs. I said what I said.

3. Peace > Butterflies (No, Seriously)

Christian culture sometimes turns God’s peace into this abstract, floaty vibe. But peace is very practical.

If you’re constantly:

Overthinking
Anxious
Stalking his socials like a CIA agent
Reading into vague texts like they’re the book of Revelation...

That’s not peace. That’s caffeine and codependency.

God’s peace brings clarity, not chaos. When God is in something, you won’t need to force it.

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33

4. Does He Call Out the Best in You, or Just Call You Cute?

Relationships are supposed to sharpen you (Proverbs 27:17). Not drain you. Not confuse you. And definitely not reduce you to your looks or your worst habits.

Ask yourself:

Can I be fully myself and still feel safe?
Does he speak life over my calling and character?
Does he encourage me to grow in my faith and identity?
Does he humble himself and admit when he’s wrong?

If he’s just texting “you up?” in King James English, that’s not spiritual leadership. That’s manipulation with a Jesus filter.

5. Can You Picture Fighting with Him and Still Respecting Him?

You will disagree. You’re human. The real question is how he handles it.

Green flags in conflict:

He listens without getting defensive.
He apologizes and takes responsibility.
He doesn't weaponize Scripture to "win."
He seeks reconciliation, not just resolution.

Red flags:

He shuts down or ghost disappears.
He manipulates, blames, or gaslights.
He gets spiritual only when he's caught.

If a guy can’t disagree in love, he’s not ready to do life with you. Conflict reveals character.

6. Has God Confirmed It, Or Are You Just Desperate?

Let’s not lie, we’ve all tried to twist “signs” from God to mean what we want.

That time you saw his initials on a license plate? Not confirmation. That was traffic.

God confirms through:

Scripture
Consistent peace
Godly counsel or mentors
Repetition from different sources (not just TikTok and your own journal entries)

If you’re trying to manifest a man with prayer, fasting, and filtered Instagram stories… that’s not discernment. That’s witchcraft in Christian packaging.

You won’t need to decode Morse code or overanalyze every text if he’s the one. God isn’t the author of confusion.

7. Bonus Round: You’re Not Behind

Please hear this: There’s no spiritual expiration date on your love story.

You’re not “late.” You’re not forgotten. You’re just being prepared.

Marriage is not a reward for good behavior. It’s a calling that requires timing, readiness, and spiritual maturity.

You don’t need to settle for a half-baked relationship just because everyone else is posting engagement photos with Bible verses. Don’t marry someone who feels like an almost.

The right one won’t need convincing.
The wrong one will always leave you guessing.

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FAQs: You Asked, Heaven Answered

Q: How do I know if it's God or my own thoughts?

A: You can tell it’s God when the thought aligns with Scripture, brings peace (not panic), and doesn’t contradict His character. God’s voice is often calm, consistent, and confirms what He’s already said in His Word - whereas our thoughts can be impulsive, emotional, and fear-driven. If the thought encourages obedience, love, or trust in Him, it’s more likely from God than from self.

Still, discernment takes practice. God’s voice becomes clearer the more time you spend in prayer, in Scripture, and in stillness. He usually speaks with peace and purpose, not pressure. If you’re unsure, don’t rush. Ask for confirmation, seek counsel from spiritually mature believers, and remember: God is not trying to confuse you. He’s a good Shepherd who leads His sheep gently and faithfully.

Q: What happens if you meet the right person at the wrong time?

A: If you meet the right person at the wrong time, God may allow a delay or even a separation for both of you to grow into who you're called to be. Timing is just as important as compatibility. Even if someone has the right heart, they may not be ready to love, lead, or serve in the way God designed for a Christ-centered relationship.

In the Bible, God often prepared people before releasing them into promises (think: David, Joseph, Ruth). Just because the connection feels right doesn’t mean the season is. Trust that God’s timing is perfect, and if it’s truly from Him, no delay or detour can stop His will. Sometimes the most loving thing He does is pause something good until it becomes holy.

Q: How do I know if God wants us to break up?

A: God may be leading you to break up if the relationship pulls you away from Him, consistently lacks peace, or involves compromise of your values and convictions. If you’re constantly anxious, confused, or trying to “fix” the relationship more than you’re growing in it, those are strong signs that this may not be God’s best for you.

God is not cruel. He closes doors out of protection, not punishment. Even if nothing dramatic is “wrong,” He may still lead you to walk away to make room for healing, maturity, or something more aligned with your purpose. Pray honestly, seek wise counsel, and remember: God will never ask you to stay in something that causes you to shrink spiritually or emotionally just to keep it alive.

Relevant Reads

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Your Turn 💬

Okay sis, have you ever thought someone was definitely the one… only to find out he was just an emotionally available worship leader for like two weeks? 😂

Drop your funniest or most “what was I thinking” moment in the comments below.
Or share how God actually confirmed the right one in your life. Let’s swap stories and wisdom!

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, it’s not about rushing to find the one. It’s about becoming someone rooted in Christ, so when love shows up, you’ll be able to receive it in peace, not panic.

Keep your heart guarded, your standards high, and your Bible open. God’s timing is perfect. So is His plan for your love story.

You are not behind. You’re just being refined.

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